I Tried

I have tried. I swear it to all the deities, I tried. And maybe, I've had enough. I'm tired and I just want you out of my head.

You- you are the reason for my loss of sanity. Do you know what I have to keep up with, every single day? I see you and I just want to talk to you, but I can't. Whenever you're there, I try. I swear, I do. You end up going away before I could even blink. It's hard- hey, since when was life never hard anyway. I just want to talk to you about all the stupid little things I could think of, but I guess you want to do that too- just not with me.

But you- and I will forever emphasize this, you will always be someone I hate. I hate you damn much. I'll put it in a way I always describe it: I hate you so damn much, it hurts.

This is all I could write down (for now). I feel bad for you. If I had a power to curse, I would probably curse you, really. But are we supposed to waste time to someone who probably wouldn't give two damns about you? Maybe I should curse love because I was cursed by it. Was I really, was I really?

At least I made this sound a little less sad. And I guess I could say that this would be the only thing I could succeed in because I tried.

I always thought...

I always thought situations like these would never happen to me. One, I was a way too happy-go-lucky child and two, it just never seemed possible.

I always thought that I can sum up 'life' in just two words: fun and great. Now, I feel like I can add a whole lot of words in tons of different languages, but it still won't fit what I think 'life' is.

I always thought that I could make someone proud by simply just making them think of what they want me to be. Turned out that it was way too hard to achieve what they wanted.

I always thought I'll never be good in something that none of my friends could do. I realized that I could be really good at being scared of heights and being really good at love.

I always thought that I would never be funny, but right now, my friends would even laugh at me before I told them the joke.

I always thought I'll never achieve what people think as 'perfect'. Let's all be honest, nobody is perfect. But then, we could always be perfect in our own world and someone else's world.

I always thought that playing an instrument is hard. I used to only know how to play the flute, but now I can play the guitar and piano (with the help of the internet of course).

I always thought I'll never fall in love with something. That was changed when my life crossed a book called The Little Prince. I may not love it as much as the Prince loves his Rose, but it is enough.

I always thought that the concept of love was to give it and receive it. Never have I thought that I was so wrong.

I always thought that if we give food, people would happily take it. I never had someone deny my offer of cookie sticks.

I always thought that everyone likes their fruits as much as they hate their greens. I guess, I thought wrong again.

I always thought I could beat Joel in science. I never did, but I did end up beating him with a lot of awesomeness.

I always thought, 'love wins'. Sometimes, it's actually just friendship.

I always thought that no one could ever not help a beggar with a little money. I ended up not helping one when I grew up.

I always thought you can take back your love. Seems like I've wasted a huge time on trying to like you then.

I always thought you could forgive someone, even if they didn't physically harm you. Then again, I was wrong.

Finally, I just have this one thought for you: Are you mad at me?

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Pain

Pain. It's kind of painful when you do something and they don't return it. I mean, you'll get used to not getting it back or anything, but it's still painful. Every new thing equates to a new kind of pain, to a new level of pain. It's just painful. We still end up doing it again because we expect. Expectations. A new kind of pain, a new level of pain.