What's Yours?

What's my happiest moment?

I would always say that's it's either when I graduated, when I got a B- in English class, when Jeff graduated and I was there to witness it, when I discovered Sir Richmond was my Grade 6 adviser, and maybe a bit more. Since I mentioned them, I'm going to explain them!

GRADUATION
Why graduation? I didn't expect a lot during 6th grade, why? Because I failed math that year. I never- take note NEVER, failed math throughout my whole life! And to know that I've failed math during the 3rd quarter (you see, I still remember it because it's a nightmare), I lost hope for graduating. 3rd Quarter was a quarter before the final quarter- which is the 4th Quarter (well of course it is one quarter before the 4th quarter, this is why you failed math), and if I failed the 4th quarter, I would be dead. Plus, my other quarter grade sucks, I mean, wasn't great! I had a D and a C I think for the first two quarters, or was it a double D? ANYHOWWW! So, you see, after getting through that depressing story of me failing math, I didn't want to think that I will graduate. Also, I was told that I would have either summer class or after school classes. Which made me feel really down more. I didn't understand why I didn't get summer class or the other choice, I expected that I won't graduate and that I have to do summer class. I'm really weird but, when I was called on stage to get my diploma, I was happy. Happy and proud of myself for that moment (because making other people happy and proud of you is really hard, might as well give yourself the support) because, I GRADUATED! Who wouldn't be happy (*thousands would raise their hands*) after graduating? All your hard work has been paid off, honestly. So for those future graduates, just please study. It'll do good to you and your family. They'll be honestly proud :)

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER
A B- IN ENGLISH CLASS?! WHAT?! I know, now calm down :P I got a B- in English class! Hm, this is really unusual for me, you know why? Throughout all the years that Ms. Yo has taught us, I always get a grade from the C range. Last year, I received my VERY FIRST B- in English. I guess studying paid off for that. Don't worry, I will aim for an A this year, and if I don't get an A this year, maybe next year! :D

HIS GRADUATION
Well, Jeff's graduation is actually a funny moment for me. I cried when he approached our table because, just like me, I didn't expect that he would graduate! When I tell him to study, he doesn't want to listen. And apparently, there he was, standing near me, showing off that very proud smile of his, obviously saying, "I did better than you, bleh!" Wait, wait, wait! I meant, "I graduated!" This made me real happy for him, because he doesn't really study. Is it normal to be lazy during 6th grade?

UH-OH
When I knew Sir Richmond was my adviser, I was happy (I don't know, I can't remember. But now that I realized it, I'm happy) because he's a good teacher. He taught us during Grade 5 and I had really high test results. I honestly thought I would be very excited for the new challenge since he is now our adviser and it's a whole new level for our tests. Sir Richmond is known for his REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, LONG EXAMS. He literally made it long, and this would all make us cry. I could survive it if it was just identification, true or false, and multiple choice, but it wasn't. There were problems and essays! You do not want to know what problems he gave us from those problems (wait what, #Problemception). It's really hard, but when you realize why he gave us those really long exams, it would be like such a great thing. It was like a preparation for the next year.

That's all? WRONG! I've got one bonus happy moment, and this is actually my happy moment! BWHAHAHAHAHA! #Momentception

A LITTLE CARE
The past few years, I've been experiencing depression. I want to share you guys...

5 Stages of Something (I don't know what it's called):
Stage 1: Depression
Stage 2: The Feeling of Being Completely Useless
Stage 3: Dark Thoughts
Stage 4: Suicidal Thoughts
Stage 5: Suicide

That's the 5 stages. I've been stuck in between stage 2-3-4. So it's in between those three, maybe the sum of those three, I don't know. But I was once close to Stage 5, when I realized someone was actually there who cares about me. I'm not sure though, but for a reason, I felt like I was cared. It's because I felt like no one actually cares about me and all of those, but during those times, I felt that someone cared about me. That someone actually sees me as a 'somebody' and not the usual 'nobody' (here we go with the Nobody Owens jokes all over again). It felt great, but of course at first, it feels really bad. For the first few days it would hurt like hell, but when you have a person accompanying you until you go down to the lower stages, you'd realize that being close to Stage 5 was actually a stupid idea. I owe a lot to this person, because maybe if it wasn't for her, I would be dead as of this moment. Because of her, I realized what's more into life, and I realized that there are a lot of other people who cared for me, it's just that I block those or them away. I can't do anything to those people who are in Stage 4, because I am there. Sometimes, when someone says they want to kill themselves, etc. I feel like I should tell them that they shouldn't kill themselves. I feel like my purpose if that ever happens is to comfort them, because probably at this way, I could somewhat help this certain person lessen their thoughts.


I don't know what I'm saying, but she said that if I wrote things in my blog, it would help me process my feelings. Forgive me if you guys don't get what I'm writing, but let's just put it in that way. Suicidal thoughts were reminded to me again, and it just triggered. I felt useless again, I felt like the whole world hated me. Maybe this is why I feel like I should sometimes comfort people in this situation, but how am I going to comfort them when I can't do it to myself first? Well, since I'm a person who cares about myself the last, I guess this would be easier. The risks are always there, and I can't. I'll just end this blog with a tweet I tweeted, until next time, goodnight!
PS: I thought about putting a new segment here, and it's called A.W.O.W (Athena's Words of Wisdom). I'll put up random quotes I've said today in random situations, to whichever I remember, I'll put it as the sign for a finished entry. 

"I can't promise you everything would be alright after this, but I will promise this once-and only once, that I will be with you :)"